Thoughts of Goodbye

This was something written August 4th, 2010.

I wish it wasn’t so difficult to get papers to live in another country. I feel as though I’ve spent every free moment getting medical clearance, police clearance, legalized documents and apostilles of The Hague, copies of copies, and so on. Three weeks ago, I spent a whole day in middle of nowhere Olympia for a notarized letter stating one sentence, “There is no conviction criminal history record information in the Washington State Patrol Identification and Criminal History Section files on Nicole E. Veldwyk.” And thanks to rush hour traffic, I now know where the Nisqually Valley is… Thank God, because I was really starting to wonder ;)

On a more thoughtful note, I am somewhat reluctant to put in my notice at work. The kids I work with trust me and confide in me; I get to be a static entity in their lives, encouraging them as they thirst for positive attention that has been scarce for them. I am protective of these kids, proud of these kids, and unfortunately, sometimes scared of these kids. Helping them engage in healthy, prosocial behaviors is challenging, but I have been so honored and humbled by this experience. Little things that we so easily overlook, such as birthday cakes, doctors appointments, homework help, and soccer scrimmages – I get to do. I am an adult in their lives who sees their faults, their history, and shortcomings – and they are accepted by me. I have never before seen so much hurt, anger, deprivation, resentment, anxiety, depression, and pure pain as I have witnessed in my clients. Never before have I felt such pride over good grades, winning soccer goals, volunteer work, acquired independent living skills, and improvement in treatment as I do in my kids. This is an experience that I am both thrilled and heavy hearted to move on from. It’s time.